One Son's Enlightenment Can Be Another Man's Epiphany

We were driving home from the church last week after Praise Band practice. I had been on the road all week and this was the first time I had seen the kids in four days, but had heard that the son had gotten a not-so-good grade on a science test. We discussed, very calmly I might add, that he might have done better if he had not waited until the last minute to study for a major test. (Lord knows, I never did that!!) He agreed and then fell silent. A few minutes later, as I was contemplating the length of this grounding and which of his fingernails to pull out, he spoke up.

"Dad, did Mom tell you about my enlightenment?" She had not, and I replied with a cautioned "No." He continued.

"Well, I think I've realized that if I want to get into college and go to the school I want, I need to start working harder because school is going to start counting real soon."

The car weaved a bit as I fought to suppress throwing both fists in the air and letting go with a loud "THANK GOD!!!" My cabbage-patch victory dance would have to wait. I managed a little smile as I looked at him and merely said, "I'm glad to hear you say that" even though I wanted to start into the "Isn't that what I have been trying to tell you for a few years now", which is lecture number 231A in the "Official Handbook for Parents of Teenagers" He looked at me with that little grin of his and because I was still driving, all I could muster at that moment was a fatherly squeeze of his shoulder. The thoughts of a grounding and missing fingernails had evaporated into thin air, replaced with loving hope.

In the ensuing silence, (well except for the daughter's continuation of her vocalist practice in the backseat), I thought about what he had just said and what it had taken for him to say it to me. All of a sudden a light went off in my head and I swear I heard a cymbal crash somewhere. I felt like giving myself the V-8 knock in the head.

In all of my efforts to guide my kids in their lives, and to make their lives perfect (a common fault, I believe, amongst we parents) I had forgotten one of my favorite quotes by Mark Twain. He said "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he'd learned in seven years." Duh! Have I forgotten all the 'discussions' I had with my dad about the same things? At fourteen, did I have a crystal-clear picture of where I wanted to go and what it would take to get there? No, I had to learn this on my own and no amount of lectures, coaxing, or yelling would have changed it. All of us, and that includes our children, have to learn and decide that on our own. Sheesh. Just chill out a bit, Bill, and try to remember back all those years ago.

Now I am not saying that I will never lecture again about grades, hard work, setting goals, and what it takes to be successful. And the son may slip back into the old habits now and then and we will have to remind him about what he said. But, his enlightenment, and the flicker of hope it provided, caused a big, huge flash to go off in my head.

I can hear the wife now. She is going to remind me that she has been pointing this out and reminding me of this for years, but she has got to realize that sometimes people just have to figure these things out on their own!