The Parental Pride switch

All parents know about it. The second you lay eyes on your own children, it flips this switch somewhere inside you; the Parental Pride switch. From that day on, whenever your child does something, and it can be anything (well, the positive stuff), in your eyes, they are the smartest, most-talented child prodigy in the world. You could have a friend tell you "My son just won the Nobel Prize in medicine at the age of 17 for discovering the cure for cancer" and you would say, or at least be thinking, "That's nothing, my daughter, who is only 4, just spelled cat." I know you are all smiling right now because you know what I am talking about. It is one of those God-given, natural instincts that kicks in that is hard to explain. I'm sure it serves a purpose. My theory is that it is a way to build the confidence of our offspring so that some day they can go out into the world and survive. Or maybe it is just a way to give parents a glimmer of hope that we will not end up on the Dr. Phil show some day.

In the last 3 months I have had a couple of occasions to experience this parental phenomenon that can turn you into a grinning or blubbering fool. In December, the wife and I learned that our 11-year-old daughter actually has some singing talent. She and another girl sang an a Capella piece to open the Christmas Cantata at church. When they started singing, we looked at each other with stunned looks on our faces and then my eyes immediately filled with tears. Talk about recessive genes!! They sounded like angels! At that moment, she was the next Celine Dion or Carey Underwood!! Then, just last night, we watched a performance of the Charleston Symphony Orchestra and Chorus which included a piece by a combined middle school chorus that included our daughter. As they started singing, the switch got flipped and I again found myself grinning from ear-to-ear. I fought the urge to stand and yell "Way to go, Megan!!" right in the middle of the piece.

The son also causes these periods of temporary giddiness. He is playing drums in a newly-formed praise band at church and last week during a rehearsal, he was doing really well. I found myself grinning and cheering on the inside every time he nailed a good fill or got complimented by the director. Being an old drummer myself, I will claim the credit for this talent. (Though he is already better than I ever was) Also, this past weekend, he went snowboarding for the first time with his Boy Scout troop. When they got back Sunday, all of the parents that went were commenting on his abilities and none of them believed it was his first time snowboarding. He has always had this innate athletic ability and sense of balance. He surfs, skim boards, wake-boards, water-skis, skate-boards, you name it, he can get on it and stay on it. I can take no credit for this one at all! (Remind me to tell you about the Razor scooter incident one day)

The other thing that we try to keep in mind is that we can go overboard with the pride and the compliments, too. We have all seen kids that are conceited and think that they can do no wrong and this can lead to problems down the road. I think it is important to let your kids fail once-in-a-while too. They have to know that no one is perfect and you have to be able to bounce back from failure. It is just more proof that this parenting thing we do is the hardest job in the world, hands down. As I've said before, all we can do is love 'em, support 'em, guide 'em and pray. In the meantime, I am going to go wait for the phone calls from the talent agencies.

Every 'Lockdown" Has a Bright Side

Today marks the third week of the post report card lockdown in the Yaeger household. As the current holders of "The Meanest Parents in the Whole Universe" title, we took drastic action after the young ones brought home 'not-working-up-to-their-potential' report cards. There are no cell phones, Facebook, computers (except for school work), TV during the week, video games, or anything else that can distract from the focus of educational pursuits. Television is limited on the weekends and can only be watched after projects, daily reading, daily instrument practice, and all chores are done. Also, after hearing the excuse of "that's my first class and I am always tired", bedtimes were moved up an hour. The reaction to this announcement brought enough drama to rival a Tennessee Williams play. It was eerily quiet for the rest of that night and also the next.

But, since then, we have experienced unusual phenomena in our house. First, since the lockdown, out of 6 grades that my children have reported to me, the lowest is an 86, with 4 of them being 100, proving that we were right. I have congratulated them and patted them on the back. But I also could not resist bringing out one of my mom's favorite phrases..."See, I told you you could do it!" (And I promised myself I would never say that to my kids!!) Secondly, prior to the lockdown, our evenings were spent listening to the son's cell phone announce yet another incoming text message from one of several unknown girlies, watching both of them stare silently and blankly at some inane Cartoon Network silliness, or them going upstairs and not seeing them at all. (This was usually done after I would take over the downstairs TV. Hey, it's got hi-def!!) But now, believe it or not, we are actually interacting as a family!! We play cards every few nights, we laugh, we talk. It actually felt like an Ozzie and Harriet episode the other night as we all played Michigan Rummy and laughed and actually had a good time.

Maybe there is something to be said for the 'black and white' days of old when the Cleaver's would sit down for dinner together every night or when Andy, Opie, and Aunt Bea would read, listen to the radio and knit in the evenings. Maybe I should sell the TV, get rid of the cable, and give the Wii to charity. Maybe I should just give up ESPN, hi-def sports, and.......or maybe we should just try to find a little balance, taking a little time each week to talk and be together. After all, it is a hi-def world we live in.

Decisions...Choices...Consequences

Decisions, Choices, Consequences. I have little signs with those words on them placed in strategic places around my house...on their bathroom mirror, in the pantry, in their closets...when I first put them up, I even put one on the ceiling above their bed. (I know, kinda lame). It is a rule in our house - there are consequences for every decision and choice that you make...sometimes there are good consequences and sometimes there are bad. That rule applies to us all. I still get stung by it on a daily basis. (When I make a choice to smart off to my wife - there are consequences. But, that is a subject for another day!) It is like gravity...a law of nature that will never go away. My 14 year old and my 11 year old understand this rule and they have accepted it. If they can, why can't the grown-ups in this world understand it?

Every single day we are bombarded with stories of people, whether they are famous or not, that make bad decisions and dumb choices, and then they are flabbergasted when they must face the consequences. Whether it is lying heads-of-state, tax-evading Cabinet choices, pot-smoking Olympic medalists, steroid-using baseball players, or the guy that didn't stop for the stop sign on his way to work; all of them seem to be upset when they are called to task. How can I teach my kids right from wrong and to accept responsibility for their actions, their bad decisions and bad choices, when there are so many high-profile, supposed heroes that can't do it? Oh, and just as an aside to all you famous people, role-model types out there...just about every single person over the age of 9 in this country has a phone with a camera on it, (some of them even have video)...duh!!

We all want to protect our kids and we all want them to be happy, but...in my opinion, the most important thing we can do for our children is to teach them that there are consequences for their actions and they need to take responsibility for those actions, good or bad. It is hard sometimes. I hate seeing the son and daughter grounded and not able to have a good time. (And when you ground your kids, you are grounded too!! I'm really missing some great basketball games these days.) But we always try to point out and reward good choices too.

So, if you are one of the above-mentioned adults that are making our job as parents harder, please wake up. (Yeah, like Roger Clemens and Tom Daschle are going to read this!!) And yes, I believe if you want to be in the spotlight, if you want the fame, the power, and the cash that comes with it, then you have to accept the responsibility of being a role-model. Its like gravity....

Here I go!

My minister at church writes a blog. He has a great talent for it. He has made me laugh; he has made me cry; and most of all, he has made me think. I also have a friend here at work who writes a blog that I get so much enjoyment out of. It is great. So, I have decided I am going to write one too. It will not be as good as theirs, and my grammar is not always the best, and it may be downright boring, but I feel a pull to do it. So here goes...

Let me tell you a little about myself. I am a 47 year old husband and father of 2. My son is 14 and my daughter is 11. I have been married to a wonderful woman for 23 years. (We dated for 5 years before we got married). I guess we are the typical family...house, 2 kids, dog, cat, hamster...and the associated challenges. I love my life, my wife, my kids, and, (unlike most), my job. We have too much stuff, too much debt, too many activities and not enough time. We go to church (United Methodist), we go to school (the kids do), and I spend a lot of time in meetings. Meetings at work, meetings at church, scout meetings, committee meetings, advisory board meetings, Board of Directors' meetings, lunch meetings, dinner meetings..... Oh well. You'll find out more about me as I go. I want to keep this simple, thoughtful, and light. (Can it be thoughtful and light?)

My biggest challenge in life lately has been parenthood. I have a successful marriage, I have a great job that is very fulfilling, but I feel I am not doing well at my most important job...parenting. My teenager (the son) just can't seem to get motivated to do anything. His grades aren't where they need to be, he wants to quit activities he is doing, and we have tried everything...positive, negative, yelling, calm, bribery, grounding, letting him be a man...nothing works. And, of course, after a while you start wondering if it is you. At what point long ago did we screw something up? Was there some mental motivation switch that we were supposed to click on with some activity back during his development years? What did we miss? Are we going to end up on Dr. Phil one day? There is no training for this, except observing our parents and, Lord knows, that wasn't always the right way. (Except, of course that I turned out great! Ha!!!) Now, don't get me wrong, the son is a good kid and I have told him that. He has a lot of character, he is honest, he is very respectful of others and treats them well. He does not get in trouble. (Yes, I am knocking on the proverbial wood) I realize these are the most important things in life. I think all parents push their kids because we don't want them to make the mistakes we made and lose out on opportunities. Like my minister told me...teach them right and wrong, let them know you love them, don't give up on them, and pray....pray, pray, and then pray some more.

Now, my mom is going to read this and I am going to get a phone call with her chuckling on the other end of the line. I just know it. Maybe it all just boils down to that "payback" thing. I'm going to go pray.